Jesus Shaves!
Posted on May 21, 2004 at 11:39 am | No Comments
Well, I just spent 15 minutes of my lunch hour attending what was probably the most pointless public gathering since last summer’s flashmob fad. Yes, I watched Red Sox outfielder Johnny ‘Unfrozen Jesus’ Damon get shaved.
For those outside of New England, or those who ignore sports madness, a brief recap: Johnny showed up for spring training this year with a flowing mane of hair and a grizzly beast attached to his formerly smooth face. It got a lot of media attention, the nicknames started flying, fake-beard wearing disciples started showing up at games.
So he decided to put all the media attention to good use and raise some money for charity. But how to convert a clean shave into charitable cash? Enter Boston-based Gillette, who offered to donate a hefty sum to some learn-to-read programs if they could pimp their new razor in a ‘public shaving ceremony’ (which, it occurs to me, is just one letter away from the far more frightening ‘pubic shaving ceremony’).
Ends up this little production was today, a block from where I work, and during my lunch break. How could I not check it out, if just for the pure absurdity of it all? Granted… if it was more than a couple blocks away, I mighta skipped it. I mean, I love the Red Sox, but I don’t love the Red Sox, if you know what I’m sayin’.
As my co-worker Betsy and I neared the crowd, there he was… up on the big-screen. Damon’s lather-covered face for all to see. So funny. In the middle of the masses, under a logo-covered tarp, a Gillette girl was going to work on him, stroke after stroke, smooth skin appearing row by row. NESN’s Tom Carron was the MC, and his favorite phrase of the day was clearly “You just can’t make this stuff up!”. No, Tom, you just can’t. There were a dozen TV cameras, supposedly even a Japanese crew, and a radio guy doing “play by play”. Crazy. Listening to a beard-shaving on the radio could be even more ridiculous than actually attending one. Maybe.
Carron brought two high school-age beard-wearin’ Damon disciples up on stage to get a close look at the work. He asked if they were skipping school, and the girl replied “Yeah, I’m missing the MCAS exam.” Much of the crowd errupted, applauding her priorities. Some thinking “That’s awesome!”, others thinking “Hmmm… not so bright”, but all thinking “Now, that’s a Damon fan, right there”. When Carron asked her if there was a make-up exam, she could only reply “I hope so”. In the end, after removing her fake beard alongside Damon, she was awarded one of the new Gillette M3Power razors that touched Johnny’s face. She was literally glowing.
When Damon’s beard was off, the cream wiped away, Carron handed him a mirror. Obviously stunned, Johnny’s first words where “Where am I?!”. Carron asked “So whaddya think?”. To which Damon replied “I think I need to lose some weight!”. Keeping the product in mind, Carron followed with “So, do you think you’ll keep using the new Gillette M3Power razor?”. Johnny, who plans on growing back his beard as soon as possible, answered: “Yeah, definitely, but not to shave the beard… maybe to shave my chest?” The crowd, especially the female contingent, loved that one.
“So, Brad, what did you do for lunch today?” “Oh, nuthin’. Just watched a guy get shaved.”
Get Used To It …
Posted on May 19, 2004 at 3:05 pm | No Comments
They’re here. And they’re getting hitched.
I’m pretty damn proud of my adopted state at the moment. Three days of same-sex marriages here in Massachusetts, and hey, all you nay-sayers, guess what? Everything’s ok. Nothing in your life is different. Your “marriage” is still safe. No one’s getting smitten (or even smote) by a wrathful god. I’ve been reading and seeing story after story of happy couples hitting courthouses, heartwarming pieces that get me every time.
To our embarrassment of a governor, Mitt “Mittler” Romney, I say keep up the negativity. Your intolerance will hopefully shorten your attempt at a lengthy political career.
Speaking of tolerance… one thing I’ve noticed about myself, as I keep hearing the good news and vicariously enjoying this monumental week: My own tolerance for the anti-marriage protesters has sunk to near-record lows. In the face of all these overwhelmingly positive vibes, how can these people stomach themselves? What could possibly prompt them to stand out on the street and voice their hatred of this newfound equality? I know, I know. Rhetorical question. But I’ve come from considering these fools “misguided” all the way over to “pure evil personified“. Then again, Bush & Co. have caused me to view their supporters as not just having “poor judgement”, but having “serious character flaws”. Polarization still sweepin’ the nation.
I’m not what you would call a “Harry Potter fan”. Blame my delayed reading of book one on it’s uber-hyping, and blame my disappointment with it on same. Mostly, though, it sorta chapped my ass that Harry was a near rip-off of the Neil Gaiman-created character Tim Hunter from The Books of Magic. Created in 1990 (7 years before the Potter phenom began), Tim is (in Gaiman’s words) “a small dark-haired boy with big round spectacles — a 12-year-old English boy — who has the potential to be the most powerful wizard in the world and has a little barn owl.” Seems the resemblance doesn’t bother Gaiman, but as a longtime fan it bugged me a bit. Still, I gave Sorcerer’s Stone a try, and did my best to enjoy the two films. I’m even looking forward to the third, moreso due to the director than the source material, though.
I’m far more excited (and frankly, surprised) to learn this week that a Books of Magic movie is now in the planning stages. A directing duo has been named, and Gaiman’s even on board as an executive producer. His involvement has my hopes spiraling high.
On a similar note, the first pics from Robert Rodriguez’s adaptation of Frank Miller’s Sin City comics have appeared in all their green-screened sterility. Hopes are high on this one, too, thanks to Miller’s co-directing credit. (although super-freak Brittany Murphy’s involvement scares the bejeebus outta me). I can only cross my fingers that the digitally rendered backgrounds end up being sufficiently Miller-esque. Hell, just have him illustrate ’em, that’d work.
Last weekend’s lucky graduates at William & Mary College were treated to a commencement address from Mr. Jon Stewart. And lucky us, we get to read it here.
Going to have to get my hands on the June issue of the Atlantic Monthly. Seems author Dennis Lehane has a short story in there called “Until Gwen“. I’ll take whatever I can get until his next novel appears.
Unsurprisingly, Michael Moore’s documentary (though some would not label it such) Farenheit 911 has caused quite a stir at Cannes. Reviews range from ‘an over-the-top propaganda piece’ to ‘subdued and effective’. Me, I lean towards trusting Ebert’s write-up. While my one-time total admiration of M.M. has faded a bit, I’m even more eager to see this now.
Speaking of Mr. Moore, Neal Pollack needles him nicely. Aw, snap!
Hey, Bostonians: In case you hadn’t heard, we’re losing a landmark in less than two short weeks. The Avenue Victor Hugo bookshop on Newbury St. is sadly closing it’s doors for good at the end of this month. Do yourself (and your shelf) a favor and stop in for the clearance sale. Right now the books are 75% off (!), so bring a backpack and fill ‘er up. Or at least give a farewell ear-scratch to Blue Bart, the window kitty.
Apropos of nothing, this site is fairly fascinating. Everything you wanted to know about booked passenger travel on cargo freighters, something that had never even occured to me to do. Not that I would now that I know, but still.
The next Grand Theft Auto game, subtled San Andreas, now has a website (refresh the page for more new artwork). According to Rockstar, it’ll be out in October. I s’pose I should try to finish Vice City by then.
I’ve spent a fair amount of time over the past few years checking in at writer/artist (& former fellow Essex Junctionite) Brian Wood’s delphi messageboard, finding out what he & his are up to creatively, reading up on the random political news he posts, occasionally chatting about good music. Well, seems his delphi-days are done, which is actually good news for those of us that check his personal site daily… looks like the spare net-time might be spent doing more frequent updates over there. Silver lining.
On that note, visiting Brian’s site brought this to my attention: Guitar rock star Ted Leo is in the studio with his band The Pharmacists, laying down tracks for their next album, so Ted’s been posting little updates on their progress at his site. He even promised a couple of demos sometime soon, once a little glitch gets figured out. Can’t wait for that action.
A little related tease: I dusted off a recorded Chisel (Ted’s old band) set on videotape, dumped the audio to my computer, and am getting ready to post it here in the next few days. Great stuff, including some unrecorded songs and a Jam cover. Sound quality isn’t stellar, but way more than listenable. Stay tuned.
In the meantime, check out a preview track from Colin Clary’s upcoming album with his backing band, The Magogs, at the North of January label site. It’s a little pop ditty called “The Shape of This Town”. Hand claps and super-sweet backing vocals are included. The album’s out on June 7th.
This is awesome. They’re talkin’ about Amie’s workplace. But I already knew I married a “hottie”. And yeah, she’s pretty cool, too.