Door to Dour Salesman
Posted on April 27, 2003 at 12:09 pm | No Comments
An actual conversation that took place on our front porch just now…
The doorbell rings, I wander down the hall, and open the front door to reveal…
Shane: “Hey man, my name’s Shane. I’m a communications major from Orlando, Florida. How you doin’ today?”
Me: “Fine, fine. What’s up?”
Shane: “Well, me and my group are travelling around the country, talking to hundreds of people as part of a competition. Here, let me show you my ID so you know I’m not a freak or an axe-murderer or something.”
He hands me his 3×5 ID card, on the back of which are pictures from three European cities, which he flips over to show me…
Shane: “Y’see, whoever gets the most points in this contest gets to go to Europe. You ever been to Europe?”
Me: “Yeah, London.”
Shane: “Wow, cool, cool. I’ve never even been out of the states, man, and I’m dying to go. So check this out…”
he unfolds and hands me a laminated promo sheet of various magazine subscription information…
Shane: “We get a certain number of points for these orders, and some are up to 75% off the newsstand price, if you can believe that …”
I hand him back the sheet…
Me: “Actually, I’m not interested in getting any magazines, but good luck, man …”
So the look on his face instantly, and bitterly, transforms. As if he’s stunned I would shut down his sales pitch so quickly and matter of factly. Not only does his face toughen to reveal what is probably his true, hardened personality, but his voice drops an octave and his tone goes to stifled anger …
Shane: “You at least got a cigarette for me, man?”
Me: “Uhhh…. no, actually, I don’t smoke.”
He turns his back to me, and as he’s walking away …
“Well, shit, I really need a cigarette, ‘cuz I am seriously starting to get fucking irritated here.”
Aaaaannnd… scene.
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