Door to Dour Salesman
Posted on April 27, 2003 at 12:09 pm | No Comments
An actual conversation that took place on our front porch just now…
The doorbell rings, I wander down the hall, and open the front door to reveal…
Shane: “Hey man, my name’s Shane. I’m a communications major from Orlando, Florida. How you doin’ today?”
Me: “Fine, fine. What’s up?”
Shane: “Well, me and my group are travelling around the country, talking to hundreds of people as part of a competition. Here, let me show you my ID so you know I’m not a freak or an axe-murderer or something.”
He hands me his 3×5 ID card, on the back of which are pictures from three European cities, which he flips over to show me…
Shane: “Y’see, whoever gets the most points in this contest gets to go to Europe. You ever been to Europe?”
Me: “Yeah, London.”
Shane: “Wow, cool, cool. I’ve never even been out of the states, man, and I’m dying to go. So check this out…”
he unfolds and hands me a laminated promo sheet of various magazine subscription information…
Shane: “We get a certain number of points for these orders, and some are up to 75% off the newsstand price, if you can believe that …”
I hand him back the sheet…
Me: “Actually, I’m not interested in getting any magazines, but good luck, man …”
So the look on his face instantly, and bitterly, transforms. As if he’s stunned I would shut down his sales pitch so quickly and matter of factly. Not only does his face toughen to reveal what is probably his true, hardened personality, but his voice drops an octave and his tone goes to stifled anger …
Shane: “You at least got a cigarette for me, man?”
Me: “Uhhh…. no, actually, I don’t smoke.”
He turns his back to me, and as he’s walking away …
“Well, shit, I really need a cigarette, ‘cuz I am seriously starting to get fucking irritated here.”
Aaaaannnd… scene.
A Sick Day for Kavalier & Clay
Posted on April 23, 2003 at 1:53 pm | No Comments
Monday’s suspicion that a virus was settling in was dead-on. It felt literally dead-on. Woke up Tuesday barely able to get vertical … I used up whatever little energy I did have trying to get ready for work, then proceeded to collapse back in bed, after which I spent the rest of the day shivering under the covers in a fevered haze. No, I don’t have SARS, only a few of the symptoms (just no congestive problems, and no headaches…whew.)
I used the day in bed to cruise through the final 300 or so pages of the absolutely brilliant Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay. It’s one of those books that just plain makes you feel smarter after reading it. Michael Chabon’s vocabulary is overwhelming, inspiring, just plain outstanding. His metaphors, his descriptive abilities, his insights… every sentence a tiny piece of perfection. The points of view, the settings, the subject matter, all make sudden shifts that reveal themselves to be so natural, so, well, perfect… I’m in awe of the man. The amount of research that must have gone into this book is mind-boggling… I’m just stunned. An epic achievement deserving of every bit of praise it’s been given over the past couple of years. Not that it means anything coming from me… the Pulitzer peeps usually know what they’re talkin’ about.
If you’re one of those, like me, who waited way too long to read this thing, well, thanks to Amazon, you can check out the first twenty or so pages online. Take my word for it though, you might as well just make a trip to the library or local bookstore and get the sucker in your hands. Wow.